"A.!.l tt:e :wws that's pri.1t to fit." VOL. 10. NO. 2 OCTOBER 26, 1982 PAGE 1 THIS ISSUE RATED 11PG" Thi!5 issue is r:ated "PG" by The Dissent Cem:orship CornMittee. Parental gu!C:a11c2 is ;;uggestf:'ld. Sone material may not be sui~hildren, law students or faculty. WLF POTLUCK WLF Members Feil.st on "K.,,iser Under Glass'' The Last WU' potluck wasn't too lucky for: Steve Ixamnlt'!s: Deat.h 1•;ithout Con • dcr-ation, by t"e Ri q'lt ~-r°e!1-;l-•ormev; Death bv .'\hu!>e of _he Socratic ~!ethod, by Leslie H;ur,"; A slow Deat.t, by Jeffrey Beaver; Preppy Deatf.l,, or Death b_y Dir.unished Ci:l.Pi.JClty, by ?eter ozoiic, O1scrirnlnat~ory D_~a_th, by Derrick--Bell; Death--by Dei::::_ur-!~r, by Fred {Freddie) :,1e7l'."il 1; ~ath of Admirals in the_ 'l\'_J.llamette River and other Aqu-atic i':_d~_:-_ tur-es, by Peter- Swann; How Do ! §pell Death?, by SP.ction"A"of the fir-st grade; Death by l·Jriter's Cra..!!!E, by Sister nary Lawrence; .ind of course, Tortio_us Deaths, by Caroline (Giggles) Farrell. Clearly, the legal field is in need of brighter mor-e r,ositive scholarship. Tf'.is colwnn mcy fill that need. Then aqain . Have you noticed the second and third gr-aders get­ ting in on the fun? ?ierrill' s tests ar-e worth 197 points-- last year- a 2-1/2 earned a B+." ''96% of my class was on pro­ bation after- their second year." "l.\ooney runs a 3:57 mile and gives "A's"only to those who can beat him." "Lacey doesn't run--or- give "A's''. COMT. OM P. IZ \1 ·~ l'. :t.! '· \,. SOVIET SNAFU Moscow. Four- Univer-sity of Oregon Law Students and one pr-ofessor were placed in the custody of t he Russian KGB last W<::!ek after- cttcmpting to halt construction of the trans Siberia natural gas pipeline. Official Soviet News Agency Tass repor-ts that the "group of five" were cppr-ehended out­ side the small village of Lower Slabovia in the province of Sibel'."ia a(ter an attempted par-achute commando raid on the present western terminus of the pipeline. The group wcr-e reportedly armed with legal pads , draft envir-onmental impact statements, and num ous volumes of the U.S. Code Annotated and Code of Federal R gulations. When questioned,. the r-ingleader, "Captain B", gave non­ r-esponsivc answers and in turn questioned his inter-r-ogators on the adequacy of the trans Siber-ia pipeline's draft EIS. Although the group's legal ending thcr1 ba,·k ':o Aneri.ca. ' '!'he "ive an: pl'."cscntly c;afely ensconserl. back at th Univers1tv of Or-egon Law School, but pe,...haps not for- long, A,1ron JonCs, self-appointed educati.ol"'.a] wat.chdoq, wa~. re­ portedly linsia., "where the pinkos belong." Satur-d.i.y morninq, University of Oregon PreH:ide>nt., Paul Olum, held a press conference concer-ning the internation.i.l affair, Mr. Olur1 suggested thc1t, "In the spir-it of edUciltional neutralitv, the Rnvir-onroental Li.l.w Clinic should be located on a Boeif'lg 747 that perpetually shi.:ttles back and. forth from Washington D.C., to Moscow . ., Kent Clerk ~ ~ /''!:'.~.:,-.. ::~ ~';::..'J'j 1~, /_ our,_ 'l'Hf <=IIBSAo.f­ ._ -BY BtQUEll'l'H­ RillhT, ~llln- - tlf'f possESStONI- -.Nu~r:lf. WUPO"'I', wuDOY, ... PAGE4 EE-RN BEAN Dean Dean walked (slithered actually) down 13th to..,ards Boredom Law School, 11 large, spacious brick building which he happened to be ~an of. He had often wondered why the studenu' minds weren't <'15 lar~e as the school. Perhap:. it was jus1 a matter of scm.,ntics; tht studenrs' minds were large, l . e. spacious--speclous connoting emptiness . Dean Dean 1o1tu not II very happy man; he very stldom was . As a child he had be-en II grump, and a rigld tolleT tuinlng perlod had nol helped . But when the \Wheel of For­ tune had stopped to make him Dean of Boredom's Law School, a most unfair cosmic JCS! since his last name was De11n, he had become even more scurrilous . It wasn't that hi!' mind­ ed being Dean; on the contrary, he loved it. No, ii was JUSt the smug way people said Dean Dean, Jetting the words roll off their rattling tongues, a smile spread 11cross their face 11s if they knew a little joke that couldn't be shared with anyone else. Of course, the joke was on him, which was lnfurlatlnR. Dean had a biR bet down with his bookie that the Bore­ dom Lllw School would !~O bankrupt within the year, Natur- 11.\!y, he had to keep his private beliefs to hlmself .. . for the sake of higher education, and alt that trash. But in private, he'd once snorted to Mrs. Dean thal "!hose imbecilei in Salem will probably close down the School of La,,.. and put more money into football so those behemoths can cr11sh 1nto each other and the senseless crowds can cheer mtndless­ ly, while the students of my school, the bes! minds in Ore~on, the leaders of the future, the cauilysts for a new tomorrow, a new America, will be forced to drop out of law school 10 lake menial Jobs sweeping floors or 1each1n~ under­ graduates. A prudent woman, Mrs. Dean De;,n only said, "Honey, you are greatly overest1matins your students of 83, 84 and 85. They are nothing like you've JUSI described , 11nd never ,,..,II be. And besides , the difference bet"'een a lawyer and a menial laborer is very small," Anyway, Dean Dean was almost lo the door of the build­ ing, nill In II rolten mood and p;etlmg "'orse by the second (I.I he thought of his pert secretary, \.\rs. Bltbble, w<lna Tor him ••nlh &II of those papers to s1qn, \o'hen dli;aster Joomtd nearby.. An lncomlnP, first grader. Dean Dean lmmc­ dtattly became wary . That he was a first grader was so obvious. He had the pompous look of someone who hadn't been through the grind, preppy shirt a nd pants-not poor enough yet to be a true la\o' student. A hi,q brand-new Daddy look-alike briefcase In his hand, and big ugly hornrtmmed Ql11sses completed the picture . Dean Dean wondered if hornrimmed glasses helped the student rel!d hornbooks better; otherwise they sure looked stupid . "Hello, Dean Dean," the first grader said, confidently e,i;tending his right h;ind, no little smile of facetiousness on his face . De&n ~l!n could spot the type 8 million 1:1iles away: Brown Noser, KIH Ass, Twit; all differenl names addin0; up to the 11me lhing--m,.kes bi,11; points now so 1 '11 support him for Congress In twenty years or help him with some other rtch Republican Kheme to bilk the poor and elderly out of "'ha1ever dimes they ~ have left. No thanks! Of course, Dean Dean only thought thh politely saying, "Hello, 1 'm very glad to have made your acquaintance , Mr. First Grader, Then as a gracious aside, asking only a rhetorical question, but one which received an inll&nt ly long answer, he inquired of the First Gr&der of his claue:s and "'hot did he think or his professors a nd so on . CA good Dean like Dean Dean "'115 ah.,ays interested in what the students thought of their professors-if only so slight ly,) Instantly the youth launched into a treatise on hh pro­ fe11or 1 and cla11e1 , a monotonous d ialogue tha t Deon Dea n would on ly later come to appreciate. "Well," the first grader said excitedly, his hornrimmed glasses bouncing wil d ly. " I have Dim Looney for contractl; he seems,.," The voice faded out as Dean Dean turned hh thoughts to Dim Looney. Good teacher, kno"'s contracts. A little touched though, Bounces around a lot., his arms flailing like Big Bird, the light reflecting off his premature bald spot . And even though he was touched a bit he seemed to kno"' hh contr&cts-klnd of, any"'ay , There had been that matter with the police !hough "'hen Looney w&s found at midnight in the cemetery with a htr•fling dog; or, was it iii cat? It didn't matter though, everyone had their peculiarities. continued on page 13 KNEE-JERK REACTIONS Land, Air, water (herein­ after cited as L.A . W., notwith­ standing one first year student's suggestion that we add the fourth traditional element, Fire, to our name so that we could call ourselves F.L.A.li.) is off to one of its most active years ever. Exhibiting a level of energy wholly inconsistent with the burnt-out law student status of its members,L . A.W. has held a pseudokeggcr (hot weather and ecoenthusiasm caused us to run short) , a potluck with local env~ronment- al attorney and long-time L.1\..W. supporter Bruce Ander- son, a seminar on getting a summer job in public interest environmental law, a hike along the Fall Creek National Recreation Trail (on opening day of deer season--multiple- use management in action), and a general meeting (at which, no kidding, one non- law school person actua lly showed up to hear Jane Fonda). Lest it be b r a nded by a ny budding Bil l Tuckers out there as a soc i al club for upper 11iddle class d uck scrubbers, L.A.W. has a l so l ent its varied natural r e­ sources legal skills to re­ search on behalf of t he Or egon Shores Conservation CoalJ- tion in its fight to halt spraying of Sevin o n Til l a- mook Bay oys t e r beds, to in­ cluencing the U.S. Environ­ mental Protection Agency t o prepare an Envir onmenta l Impac:t Statement on a pro- posed sewage storage project near the Euge ne a irpor t , a n d to drafting r egu l a t ions govern­ ing low-head hydr o projects in cooperat i on with t he Oregon Wilderness Coal i tion. In addition, it was with qreat reluctance t ha t L.A.•L de- continued on page 13 TO THE EDITOR Cear Edi tors, Answer me this, If we close our prisons as some bleeding heart libcrah advocate, who's going to make all of those nifty license plates for our cars? Signed, John D. Lorean Di'ar r.ds. , OK, so you ran tnto u few problel'ls with the ~re..,,.ish/Lesbian thing. Letters were written, r:ieetings called and everybody went a little api.!-i;hit for 11 fdw weekl'I. That's all fine and good - but you can't evade the real iisuc! WHO'S BEHIND BJ\GP.~, Dl.Y? I oean j l :'.t>esn' t ta,kc much snap to rc,,d bctwr-en the lines no-,.. does .it? Who among ur. fails to realize the ritual­ istic signi ficnnce of n grab bag full of sweet little buns you can sncar with cream cheese. And what about those of us forced to be closet enqlish :nuffin eaters or worse, the "white toast with graoc jelly guys". This is a law school newRpaper. anO I for one am in favor of something that will be rerncmb@red for it's purity in thought and bulk recycling value. P . S.: That crack abcut "frogs not having necks", was a cheap shot too! Uike l,ppropriating your group's initials o,nd placing then at the butt of a joke was a cheap shot, I'm sorry. I also regret whatever confusion I may have generated regarding your group ' s goals, methods or membership . Next, I would lii~e to apologize to all Jewish men and women. Though I certainly didn't intend my article to be anti-semitic, I realize that it could easily be construed as such. Appearance of such an article in a law school newspaper may have the wifortunate consequence of legit­ imizing anti-11emitism. I deeply regret rny inadvertant contribution to such bigotry. To all others whom I nay have offended, to you too, I now apologize. ~ - <1<4'-­ K er PAGE 5 SEX PROBLEMS {Continued) PAGE6 CON LAW UPDATE The United States Consti­ tution is presently being sub­ jecte':1 to close examination by a myn.ad of political action groups, such as women's riahts groups, Jerry Falwo'.!ll .ind his Senate buddies of the "!Jew Right ", who want to lead America back to its original state (that of the Puritans), as well as Bonzo Reagan and the Congress­ men who can't trust them!.elves to reduce the federal deficit, so they want to make a balanced budget the law of the land. Other Constitutional re­ visions being considered are those which call for school prayer, illegalization of abor­ tion , and giving women equal rights (which apparently doesn't have <•s much support as the other two). As long as the nation's politicians are in the process of reva,oping the Constitution, they might as well save future revisions by adding sonic changes which, if the (moni.l) irajoritv of r.mericans have tLeir way, i'.1ill soon follow, if they're not i.n the works alre.idy. As long as we ' re putting prayer back in schools, we might as well make religion mandatory, so t he poor, downtrodden people of Merica won't have to wori:-y about the hardshipe imposed by Rcagoonomics and can instead rejoice in their (quickly) coming rewards in the hereafter. Sure, an anti-•abortion a.'llendment would save alot of cute little babies-to-be, but some would still be aborted. Since most abortions are performed on the poor, minorities, teen-agers, and unwed mothers ~~e could make .abortions unnecessary by passing a Constitutuinal amendment forbidding people in these groups from having sex until they were of legal age, married, and CM­ ployed. If we also cleanse to­ day's media from the smut and sexual connotations which pervade our homes and a::.olish sex education in the schools, young people wor.' t l:no•1 11hat they are missing until they're old enough to realize just how immoral and disgusting it (Se>") really is. The fa .i.lure o! the Equal Riqhts Mendment to t>e ratified nhows clearly that wc Americans now realize that discrimination is bad, and we don't neeci the Constitution to tell us how to treat minorities such as women. If we don't need the E.R.A., why don't we do away with other anti­ C.iscrimination arnendl'le!lts; the Fourteenth, Fifteenth, Nineteenth, and Twenty-fourth. Let's send those cards and letters to Washington and get the ball rolling on these amendmc!lts, £0 we can put l\Jllerica back on the road -to greatness. If you want to save time, you can all do like me and send a copy of this article to all of your C:onqressmen, and Ronnie too, because he really cares about us. Sincerely, (your name here)--Uartin W. Jaqua (lL) START A HOME BUSINESS OF YOUR OWN - SEU POINTLfSS GEE-GAWS THROUGH THE \ MAIL~&\ -""--"'•,.,. ... - 1'1,-~od...,)'W•f,.,.ui.., ~ <,i p,<)(!uc" ! co,, ,ell ~I~,;:': _m;d;..:::=~ ~ :::=p,~INtdwble>••• -•--Z~­ war,.o.1-..,foct,,~ ,..,..,.,,A.,,.,,.. I ALICE PAUL REVIVED Everyone got all excited last summer when Queen Elizabeth woke up to find a strange man in her royal bedroom. Much less known , however, is tha t recently Phyllis Schlafly found an unex­ pected visitor in her home too. Tha t visitor "las Alice Paul, one of the early Merican women's rights advocates , ba ck in the 1920s. "Alice Paul", Schlafly ga sped . "I recogniz!"! you from the mail the libbers send me. 8-Dut you died a lon g time ago. What are you doing here?" "I thought I ' d come back for a little while, just to see what America in 1982 is like . I hope you don't mind my coming to sec you." "N->lot at all", Phyllis stammered . "I think you'll be really happy to learn how things are here for women no...,." "Wonderful", /\lice Paul responded. "And how are things?" "We' vc really come a long way. Why , there's now even a woman on the Uni tcd States Supreme Court ! " "Marvelous ! And how m.:iny man are on it?" "Well, there's eight, of course ." "And what percentage of the population are women?" "51 percent. " "So why is there only one woman justice out of nine on the supreme Court?" "Well, Lo explain that would be rather complicated." "I sec . IJow do women spc,nd their time thc~c days?" "They work l Opportuni tics for women in the labor force have never been better. A majority of women arc empl oyed today!" "What i(.inds of jobs do they have?" "Still mostly clerical and teachers. But women are moving into all job fields, ,rnd doing just as well as the rncn do." "And do these women get paid as well as the men do? .. "Not exactly . Women make about 59 cents for every dollar r.ien make at t.he same job . .. •why do women qet paid only about half of what men get paid, if they ' re performing the same job?" •well, it is rather conulicated . " "It must be. Tell me, ~hat legal rights do women have in you r society?" "We have all Lhe legal rights tha t we need! But some lunatics wanted every t hinq to bo oqua l. between men an<.l women . •rhey draf't<.'d an Equal Riyhtr: J\mendment to the U.S . constitution, but it didn 't pass, thank God." "What did this Equal Rights Amendment say?" "It s tated that equality of rights under the law shall not be denied on account of sex ." "What was wrong with that?" "My God, it would hav e forced women to serve in the front lines in any future wars, and it would have requi red co - ed ba t hrooms !" "Did the /\mendment say that?" "Well, not in so many words." "Then what makes you so sure that this country would have tolerated such thi ngs?" "It ' s really quite complicated." "I understand perfectly. And how is socioty' s attitude towards WO'll'len these days? Are women's ambitions taken seriously?• "REAL LADIES are treated just as well as ever. Bu t it's hard to respect the l ibbe r s, since they' re just a bunch of men-hati ng dykes . " "That' s what they said about the women i n our movement, too . Well, thank you very muc h , but I've got to be getting back now ." "My pleasure. I hope you enjoyed your stay here in America, 1982 . H "Oh yes , I enjoyed it. But do you?" "What do you mean by tha t?" " It is rather comp licated ." Russel G, Winick. JU RIS DOG \UY~ OoN'T YOI.J K~ow~-rn( SU~l\£M£ COV/<;T 5A't!. YO\J c,o.,._,,T PAAY O"I A. ~ !.ottl:ll 'Fl io..J)? PAGE 7 FUN foR THE RICH REcoRO A SCRE"AM ONTO YOUR (A)SE,TT6 PLA"/ER ANO TIW.OW IT OlJT Tu€. WINt>OW ---- • -------- -w Lu uJ w ~ d. ',, ,(~Ji ' I ' ,,, kl'%' ff: e , i (i [i li [i ~ see article page 17 PAGES CAMPUS NEWS NEW BUSINESS MANAGER SOUGHT Due to personal and academic commi ttments and time constraints, I have chosen to turn over the pursestrings of the SBA to someone with a little more time on their hands. This 9robably automatically rules out most human beings pursuing the study of law, but I'm sure there's gotta be at least one soul out there with masochistic tendencies who would get a ldck out ~f arranging Doughnut ['ilY, chasing the Canteen Man arcu'ld for refunds and counting thf' Halley's Comet arcade slugs that show up in the coffee kitty. If you would be the least bit interested in a political career at the law school level and could use $6{) a month, let mo Y.now. Ne will t:-ain you completely and it won't hurt a bit. Come on in and check it out. Disposition will either be by election or appointment, depending on response, i\11 students eli­ gible. -Cathi Bulone PROFESSOR GREEUE TO SPEAK On Thursday, November 4, 1982, Professor Linda Greene will be the featured speaker in the third Women's Law Forum presen­ tation of the fall semester. At 4 p.m. in Room 121A , Pro­ fessor Greene will talk on issues of tokenism, and share some of l"'hat it's Uke to be a Kellog ~ellowship scholar. Earliei:: in the semester, the Wor:1en' s Law Form brought Pro­ fessor Joan Acker from the University of Oregon Sociol- ogy Departrr.ent to the law school to talk about socio­ logical pattei::ns of sex dis­ crimination and sponsored a presentation about 19th Cent1.:ry Nomen Lawyers. All interested in attending Professor Greene's talk are invited. The Women's Lclw Forum will provide refresh­ ments. See you there. P. Wlodarzyk for the WLF MOOT COURT BOAf:D The uo National Team (Ann Bjork, Terry Bodwell, David Jacobi, Scott Johnson, Kevin Kiely, Charlene Woods) competes in Spokand, Washington at Gonzaga Law School , November 4 - 6, 19132. The National Team comprised of the winners of the First Year Moot Court Competition and the top four finishers of the 1-l'ayne Morse Competion, argue in the Regional Competion in Spokane and (with a little bit of luck) when th!:!y win, will advance to the National Competition in New York. The Moot court Board, in addi­ tion to supporting the Ni.ltional Team, schedules several competitions in oral advocacy . These competitions are as fol lows: Client Counseling - Fe!:>. 17, 19, 1983 (1st, 2nd.3rd year) Mock Trial - ,la:1. 25,26,27, 19133 (2nd, 3rd yr. J Wayne l!cr~e Competion (Advsnced Appellate Advocacy) - March 7 thru 11, 19!13 (2nd year) First Year Mock Trial Competition - ,'\pril 13 thru 15, 1983 (1st yr.) Moot Court Board has received in:ormation regarding .in Admini­ strative Law Competition ,rnd Inter­ n.itional Law Competition . Infor­ mation regarding theso competi­ tions is posted outside the Moot Court Board Room. Funding con­ straints limit the nUl'lber of competitions the Board can spon­ sor'. but :;he Board is willing to assis':: and advise groups of stu­ dents who are interested in enter­ ing these competitions on their own ( financial l y) , or through some fort"I of ''creative financing," Leave a note on the Moot Court Bul l etin Board. Class of '85 NOTE We would like to take this opportunity to t hank you for your show of support in the recent elections for 1st year representa ­ tives. We are available to you at any time_· just grab us in the hall, or l eave a note on our lockers . We can only represent you if you let us know what you think and want. In the past, the 1st year class has been somewhat inactive , committing their time to the books and the bars. We would like to change that this year. I-le envi­ sion the possibility of a 1st year T-shirt sale to support the spon­ sorship of a speaker. Maybe you have some other ideas. Let us hear from you . LOis Day l!-242 Jeffery Beaver i96 PAGE9 Frogs were scarce and the hour was getting late when the resourceful commissioner ttike Allport, phoned the biology labs therby pro­ curring four frogs for the Soorts Club's First Annual s-1'.og Jwnp competition, The frogs were quickly brought over, named and h;.1stled to the launch pad. When the leaF'ing was over, Touchdown Ducks II, a frog coaxe~ by llike Ford, owned by Russ Hauge and drugged by Dave Ellis, had grabbed first place honors with a three jump total of 53n. Close behind was Fred, a frog frightened into a 45" jump by Dylan O'Fallon, the youngest competitor. Silk, supervised by Gordon Mallon grabbed third while the longest sing-le jump award went to Ferdinanp Slew who, responciing to David Fine's urgings, leapt 35.25" and then refused to budge. Roy Yukluk,yearning to be a frog . The winncr3 of the frog jump, Hike Ford, Russ Hauge, Dave Ellis and Touchdown Ducks I I. ~' All frogs were thoroughly ex­ amined before the competition. ' rr" •. , ,• •\'.I·-~ :ii ,..,,;..•~ COMMITTEE SEEKS INPUT The SBA Appointments Com­ mittee has been advised that three permanent faculty posi­ tions will be filled during this fall term. Among the candidates to be considered for these positions are Pro­ fessors Leslie Harris, Chuck O'Kelley and Nancy Shurt1.. All three lERIT: This rr.onth goes to SBA Vice !'resident, Dave Ellis. [)ave, when asked by a prospective co!lll'littee JT\ember, "On what criteria do you select the three students (out of twenty applicants) who will serve in the committee?" replied, "that's a good question. I guess it's pretty much arbitrary." Dave t.hen spent two days interview­ ing applicants and arbitrarily chose three student rcpresenta·· tives. That's the spirit, Dave!" LAW REVIEW LAMENT This isn't going to shatter anybody's earth, but it so hap­ pens that the deadline for this issue of the Dissent also was the due date for the 2d year law review competition. The Dissent seems to have overlooked tfia"""'pO!i"sibility that some of us Casenote Candidates might w<1nt to contri'"Ju.te <1n ,"Irticle, es­ pecially after reading the high quality material which appeared in the most recent issue. >\"ell, OK, so I'm doing both, but it wasn't easy. For those of you who have never had the privelege of participating in such a com­ petition, I'd like to tell you a little about the experience. The key element is time. Of cour!'le, no rei".sonable stu­ dent is going to forego the important things like readinq assignments or going to class, just to work on a e.:isenote. You only get one credit for a case.note, .::nd it isn't even graded. So n<1.turally, those vacant Parts & C?rps classes were attributable to some­ thing else. /1aybe a virus. Everybody understands the 9ress of a rteadline. We can all rernemher those 1s t year Reading <: writing assign­ ments when our Tort.s and Con­ tr;;,.cts professors thought that their c.Lasses wer-e all that kept us from going to ~P.nnic' s. Li ttcle did they know that we haC a MASSIVE paper to w>i te--probably the most irn- The casenote competi- tion ranks right up their with those leviathians. Con sider the sacrifices. For 7 ,~eeks, you have no time for enjoyment; only work. No TV. Check the headlines on the newspaper, und then read the funnies (that's it--forget abo'..lt "Dear Abby"). Put the tennis racket and the golf ~:lubs. e.way . r::at on the run (yesterday I found a Velveeta :;lice o:i page 103 of my Con Law text). If you're married, good luck. The studies are not com­ plete, but preliminary data sug­ gest£; that most divorces occur during law review competitions. Sane with suicides. 'l'hat's it. J think I've violated jtlst oi·•Jt;'; every rule of formc1l writi.1,:; ::hat I can remember. No footri.otes, eii:her. (Sure doe() feel ,:,cod.) You know, wr.V:.iag fo:r the Dissent can be <]OOd t:",urapy. ·-- Name withheld for Fear of Re­ prisal,; Honorcible mention goes to portant paper of our lives. Notice: This month's Professor !~:m~~~;u;o~~~~~~/~~; ;,?~o~~:ll Lil:e, fer shur. :~~f~~:/:fn~~/e ~~:;~~ne~l:;, i~~e~e!~iz~i:~~~~~ 'M~~;c~~~s~!f~~"•i-----------•I:~~ !~;~;;!~wb;i~~e Rg~11i Darby cy, and Mary Hatch, Grade Two, Emerald. so we're zero for for her study habits• two regarding our promise to LEGAL QUOTES OP T!lE MONTH: Thli"rgooa ;,Jarshall, United Sta'::es Supreme Cvurt Associate Justice: "Yowza, 'l'owza, Yowza. ·• Woodward and Amstrong, ~ - :8-~£._thren, p. 59. Derrick A. Bell, Jr., Dear:, University of Oregon School of Law: "There is in . . . the University of Oregon School of Law a wondrous comrnittment to ... crisis-like transition . in spite of ineffective leaclership." "Humanity in Legal Edu­ cation," 59 Or. L. Rev., 243 '19'301 "YOU CAN BE REPLACED ... " ' '!- c Sports Clilli l,.:i.s once again fi llc,d the law school's mass-covered walls with fun and cxci tement. That's right, \•'€'re talking about the ] 982 Football pool the pots of wich are enough to make you feel if not stinking n.ch, then at least comfort­ ably middle class. True to tradition, the first year class has pro­ duced the bulk of the winners. Therq,is, however, something new under the sun. There is a law professor who can also predict football results. present some serious stuff. 1;,.~•,1e h'estling shattered the myth that professors are losers .)n his way to a $62.00 victory. It should be noted that Westling's good fortune arrived just days 3cfter he was tapped out by los in did have a gift of gab, and could w;rnder through the English language like every verbose professor. But then that was life. Had to m11ke the people who paid the bills happy, The laugh, yes, the (high pien:­ ing laugh that sounded like a hi,qh pitched engine whine­ only off hey. "For Civil Procedure I have Dead Sterrill" ... the voice droned on, Dead Sterrill, best damn snowpartner 1 've ever had, Ol' Sterrill. Nothing sterile about his language though. Dean Dean chuckled to himself. The voice appeared .. "Blabberson for Research & Writing" . , ,and quickly disappeared again. Blaibberson, Dean Dean pondered. Not much of a talker actu11lly, A ne..., teacher just htred from the last graduating class. A bit spoiled, Daddy Congressman and all; but she ...,ould do, at least for the time berng, Ho...,ever, Dean De,,n never could understand how a person could be that .qood in math and writing--two different mental spheres. Maybe that was the catch--she wasn't any good in math. Even more she looked ten years youni;:er than the students she was teaching, or twenty ...,ith some students, But she did know her periods, spaces, caps, etc, ;ind that's ...,hat counted, The first gr;ider ...,as 'olindinq do...,n. "For Criminal Law I have Cheater Ozann." Ozann Ozzan-a-Danna, Dean Dean chuckled to himself. Like the Saturday Ni_qht Live character, Ozzan-a-Danna seemed to be al'olays ii;oinq off on some ne'ol tangent or another, Thank God he d1dn 't pick his nose--at least in public. Not much of a snow partner though, but hell of a pilot and green thumb; took a special lawnmower to cut all of the grass carefully cultivated--and boy could you fly on that ::~:~·. And people thought law profs were stuffy middle class Dean snapped back to reality, realizing that the youth was staring intently at him, having stopped speaking moments earlier and now waiting for Dean Dean's reply, Dean Dean shook the first grader's hand, "Th;ink you, thank you." So much for an illuminating conversation. And ii had been. The student smiled sincerely, and gr<'!ciously departed, happy to know that Dean Dean was his friend ;ind thilt with a linle more bro'oln nosini:i could possibly help him get elec- ted to Congress in t..,enty years or help him lo'ith some other rich Republican scheme to bilk ...• Dean Dean smiled as he watched the daddy look-a-like briefc;ise toter walk away. Dumb arse! But the conversation had been very enlightenin_q. Dean "Dean realized to his relief that he was not the only faculty member who had a weird name, and, moreover he definitely was normal compared to some of the professors roamin~ the halls of Boredom L11w School. What a N!lief! Today would be a great day at the office, a ,;reat day indeed. Dean Dean turned, and smiling, walked briskly into his office. Mrs. Blibble sat a.t her desk with a. stack of ne:atly arranged p<'lpers awaitin~ his signature. "Good morning Dean Dean," she said, a facetious smile spread across her face as if she knew a joke th11t she couldn't share ,..ith anyone else. Clayton Lance PAGE 13 Knee-jerk Reactions continued fro., page 41 cided not to seek an injunc- tion against the Sports Club's frenzy of amphibian flagellath:-n or, in the alternative, a writ of mandamus compellin3 the re­ lease o[ our little grP.en friends (besides;, one of cur co-directors promised us that h.i.s frog was a shoo-in; he neqlected to tell us that the frog was a three pack a day re!"ident of the University cancer lab). Upcom}_ng events for L.A.W. ir.clude a candidate's forum featuring Congressperson Jim Weaver and other local politicos. L.A.W. is sponsoring the forum in coopcratio:1 with the Sierra Club as part of a national ef­ fort to mobilize the Green Vote in this year's election. The forum will be held on Tuesday, Oct. 19, at 7:30 p.m. in Room 129/229. L.A.H. will also be presenting a talk by Justice Department attorney and UO Alumnus Pat Barry, about life aE; a government environmental attorney in the Reagan admini­ stration, on the ;norning of Nov. 8. In addition, former dean Chapin Clark will show slirles of his recent raft trip down the Colorado River some­ time in the nex;t few weeks. Finally, L.A.W. will continue working on various projects, including canvassing in oppo­ sition to Ballot Measure 6, commenting on the fish and wildlife conservation plan of the Regional Power Planning Council, and putting to- gether a brochure, in coopera­ tion with the Placement Office, extolling the virtues of the environmental law program at this school. L.A.W. is open to all students and suggestions. For further information, check our bulleting board or contact Jay Manning, locker 11199, Willie Weigand, locker 1267, or Bob Irvin, locker il21. Alte e Occupations In these hard economic times, some u of o Law Professors are turning to some unusual ways to supplement their paltry incooes. Wayne Westling has fallen prey to "gambling fever." He recently won a whopping $62.00 in the football pool, all of which he plans to place in a trust fund for his retirement, Meanwhile, Professor Farell has taken up Rock and Roll singing. Ferell was recently heard in Trust and Estates belting out the words to the Rolling Stone's classic: "I can't get no, sat-is-fac-shun," The class went wild as Farell finished with a soft ballad called, "Legatee Blues." She calls her rock group "Caroline and the Four Els", but most fans know her better as "Blondie. H PAGE14 A CAMPAIGN THAT FAILED Parking places vanish. Fast-food stands get crowded. G1ggle5 are heard in the law library. You know what's happei:iing, but you try to ig­ i:iore it, as if to say "this .1.s only temporary, it'll go away". But y'?u kno,.~ deep down inside, 1.t won't. It's here, now, among us_ It• s the dreaded "Invasion of the Undergraduatesw. cours:~afs m~~=: ~~i=0 ~!;pe~! every year. Just as we settle in to the best parking and the best restaurant service, we ';let bo~arded by 13,000 snotty, inconsi_derate, lazy punks(some literally). is this fair? Answer, of course not. !·/hat we can do, as the chosen e~ite of the University, to get rid of this "inconven-· ience" is best answei:-ed by the mistakes we made L:rnt year. Yes , some of us trii!d (and some dii!d) to protect our beloved insti­ tution from the hordes. They failed. But we don't havi! to. Last year, efforts to thwart the onslaught were hc'.ndled by the Library Committee (here~nafter, "Tt-.e 11.esistance'') , coordl.nated by 'i'ed Neverkidney, ~e~~~~tt~~iit~U~~ef~ ~!~ stu·· thought best to negotiate w; th ~~~ ~~r~::i~~~b~;~~i~n~t cl~~~ich in 1938, offered to give the lecture halls and {possibly) use of the student lounge to the in­ vaders in PXChange for the sa!'C·· ti ty of the law library, ai !r::i~~~~:~:i]Hf fg:E~~i • Hut thpn, just as Hitl,,r ~arl curity (thankfully, they wc-r-c detected). (•!e kne1, about all this. He knew what they were up to, bc1t we ig­ nored it, hopinq aqain.st hope that it would go aw.-.y. It didn't. And we S"lt. on our duffs when ~,e should IH'IVC' Leen .icting. Preppies scouting for husbands in the Law libr.iry. \·,'e went abc~~t our work. in­ con·,eniencic.d to be sure, but not tr1.1ly c.cncerned. After ~~;~ ~:~:~!l~~u!im~~e~i~ do? tensive legal knowledge like us. The UG' s were winning, .ind c11ost of -.;s didn't even know it. One voice refused to be stilled, however-- t!lat voice belonged to Ted Novcrkidncy. The Resis tance met, in what proved to be the last time, in an obscu.re, out-of-the-way down­ stairs classroom to discuss last ditch efforts. Neverkidney tried to p!"orose an ordinance prohibiting UG' s from the law library, but due to strong ob- i1~t~~~~ei5~m n;a~~tf;n m::er taken. Heartbroken ,Ncverkidney stood in the rain cur:3ing at t!ie invaders and then threw himself on the library book detector equipment and was electrocuted. Ile remains, in muny minds, a true martyr to the cause. \ The so . There's not a studehal:er idea of actually~~ in the bunch . Of course, they _!~ has suddenly taken on the all~ a li~tle.oddly. Pro- aspect of a Pteranodun - large, fe,;,sor Kirkpa t rick is ready at ugly, and, ;_:,re,mmably, exuding ~ny noment t'? don a cape, mut t er an 1:'nl?leusa~t odor. Filing and truth, Justice and the Amei-ican defiling tlnngs all the time. Nay", and fly out through the P~obably alot of pounding, twist ro'?f'. Professor Lacy clearly ting and general c:u